6 Important Life Lessons I Learned In My Twenties
This year, I am finally turning 30 years old! My twenties have been like a rollercoaster ride filled with adventures, blessings, and self-discovery.
Some of the key things that happened during my twenties include:
Moving out of home
Changing friendship groups
Worked in 5 different companies to find the right one for me
Getting certified as a health coach
Starting my business, Well by Jade
Getting my dog, Leo, and learning how to put a pet’s needs before my own!
Along with all this, I’ve learned some of the most important life lessons during my twenties, and I’d like to share them with you below:
Don’t waste time trying to change other people, instead focus on shifting your own perspectives, expectations, and attitude.
I spent a lot of my early twenties trying to change other people’s perspectives about things.
I think I also set high expectations for what a friend or family member should do, and will admit to being guilty of expecting others to read my mind or completely understand how I felt without properly communicating with them.
The other thing is as I grew older, I started to identify specific ways of dealing with situations (e.g. how to manage money, how much time, energy, and effort to commit to a friendship, how friends should support each other, how to be productive, etc.) and would expect others to manage things the same way I did - if they didn’t, I would question why and try to change their behaviour or their mindset.
Over time, I started to realise that I shouldn’t be changing people for who they are. I noticed I went through a lot of changes within myself while ‘growing up’ and this sometimes meant that old relationships and friendships no longer served me the way they used to.
I realised the importance of letting go, not just of people, but of the need to control how other people live their lives or the decisions they made.
Each person is doing the best with the information and knowledge they have and we all learn our own lessons in our own time.
Instead, I started to focus more time and attention on my inner dialogue, the things I want to achieve in life, and the systems I’d need to put in place to design the life I want to live.
By doing this, I started attracting more like-minded people, rather than feeling the need to change people who I no longer connect with.
It’s much easier to focus on the things you can control (like yourself), rather than the things that you can’t (like other people).
The most important thing is not the end goal, but the systems you put in place to achieve the things you want to achieve.
This one is actually one I’ve only recently learned!
I’ve always had a love-hate relationship with setting goals.
On one hand, I get super excited and motivated when I’m in a good mood and thinking about all the things I want to achieve in the future.
I try my best to break the goal down into bite-sized, actionable steps and make sure they are SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound).
On the other hand, some goals feel really overwhelming and actually intimidate me before I even start to take any action towards it! (E.g. running my own business full time, buying a house, planning my wedding, growing my YouTube channel).
I recently read a life-changing book called Atomic Habits by James Clear (everyone was raving about this for the longest time so I’m not sure why it took me so long to read it!).
One of the key messages I learned from this book is to focus on the systems you put in place to achieve those goals, not the end goal itself.
It’s like in a race, every participant has the same goal of finishing in first place, but there can only be one winner, so having the goal itself is not enough to help you achieve it.
It’s about the way you structure your day-to-day schedule, the tasks you complete, and the environment you set up to make good habits easier and bad habits more difficult.
It’s also about consistency and doing a small bit of the work each day, every day, even when you don’t feel like it.
The people who have a good system in place, maintain consistency, and push past their negative thoughts and limiting beliefs are the ones who hit their goals!
Truly meaningful and fulfilling relationships take a lot of time and effort to cultivate but are so vital to your overall happiness and wellbeing.
It’s really easy to get caught up in the day-to-day responsibilities and tasks of life that we forget to make time for our loved ones.
As an adult, it can also be more difficult to make friends and meet new people.
But putting in the time, effort and energy to cultivate meaningful relationships makes such a difference to your overall wellbeing. It feels incredible to have a strong support system:
People who you can rely on in times of need (think helping you move houses or helping you with chores when you feel unwell).
People you can be 100% yourself around (like feeling comfortable saying no in certain situations).
People you can confide in (we all have nagging thoughts and insecurities, but think of the people whom you can be completely vulnerable with whilst learning to become better people together).
The thing to realise is that trust is the foundation for all meaningful relationships and this takes a lot of time spent together to build.
Even in today’s hyper-connected world through social media, loneliness is more prevalent than ever.
We need real-life connections, not just online ones.
Life can go by really quickly so make it an intention for this year to start investing more time and effort with the people in your life if you haven’t already.
Call them, text them, organise that time to go out together as a group. Don’t wait for someone to make the first move, just do it!
Don’t delay and just take action on the things you want to do and try!
It’s all too easy to get held up by your thoughts. Think about all the things you worried so much about that never actually even happened?!
This was definitely me! For the longest time I wanted to do things like start a YouTube channel, run a blog, grow my social media following, start a business.
But I was always stressing about what other people would think and how I could start ‘perfectly’ to prevent as many failures as possible.
But I realised all this thinking was literally getting me nowhere and I wasn’t giving myself an opportunity to learn, experiment and build new skills.
You don’t learn by endless thinking and analysing, you learn by putting yourself out there and doing the damn thing!
I proved this to myself when I started my business Well by Jade last year - I ended up coaching 3 clients, designing my own 5-week coaching program, growing my Instagram page from scratch, publishing my website, and finally posting my first YouTube video, all within the first year!
All of those things happened because I simply took action - yes there were hiccups along the way but each hiccup provided me a valuable lesson for how I can improve and streamline my processes, which means it’ll only get better!
Just remember, no amount of thinking and analysing will take you from where you are now to where you want to be.
Invest in your future self - value long-term happiness over short-term gratification.
This one has taken a long time to sink in because I am an impatient person by nature and particularly during my twenties, definitely valued instant gratification over long-term happiness.
However, over time, I started to realise during my twenties, I prioritised those little things that seem more enjoyable in the moment way too much compared to the less enjoyable tasks that would help me reach my long-term goals. For example:
Splurging on a piece of clothing item I don’t need vs. saving for the long-term.
Watching tv or scrolling through social media vs. researching and learning how to build a business from scratch.
With 30 just around the corner now, this lesson is definitely starting to sink in as I consider how I want my life to look over the next 5-10 years.
Some of the questions that helped me realise I needed to address this and manage certain impulses are:
Where do I want to live in 5 years’ time?
How do I want to be earning my living in 5 years’ time?
What do I want my financial situation to look like in 10 years’ time?
What do I want my day-to-day to look like in 5-10 years’ time?
It’s okay to not know what you want to do with your life in your twenties, it’s okay to try different things and take your time!
During my twenties, I gave myself so much pressure to work everything out straight away.
I remember leaving my first corporate job and wanting to become a fashion blogger and influencer - I really committed to this for a good few months and started to really raise my social media profile and connect with my audience every day on Instagram stories.
I obviously had no idea how to make a living this way and was disappointed in myself for needing to go back into the corporate world.
But the thing is, by giving myself time to do this, I realised I love fashion, but did not want to make a career out of it!
I also learned I loved speaking on camera and connecting with my audience on social media.
I am also now in my fifth job and have learned so much about the kind of work I like to do, the teams I like to be part of, the leadership styles that work and don’t work for me, and what my working style is.
I loved all of my jobs because they taught me important lessons and highlighted things about myself that I was previously not aware of.
The same can apply to your personal life - don’t be afraid to be the multi-passionate person that you are.
You’re allowed to have more than one or two hobbies and interests.
You’re allowed to think you like something but then turn out not to like it.
You’re allowed to fail a few projects before launching a successful one.
So the bottom line is, your twenties is an interesting time and you will no doubt learn more about what’s really important to you, what your values are, and what your definition of success is. Don’t forget to document your journey and continue to note down the important life lessons you learn along the way.
Share your thoughts…
Which lesson here resonates with you the most?
